Holy November

I can't believe it's been over three months since I've written or posted anything. There isn't a whole lot of couch surfing these days, but travel, life and living are a full and colorful as ever. It's fall. The kids are at college and will be home soon for break and Jack is almost seven months old. I made the decision to extend my maternity leave. Being able to wake up with my little dude every morning smiling and ready to cuddle has been an absolute awesome gift that I am so profoundly grateful for.

Being a mom to an infant who is absolutely dependent upon you for everything has proven to provide some of my all time greatest life lessons. It's a pretty awesome thing and I'm in awe of the title 'mom' and how truly rad it is. I've learned to get ready in about 3.2 minutes, manage to have all forms of spit up somehow blend into my clothing and even conquer putting on diapers when little man is twisting and twirling in a million directions. The challenge is on and it's a great one. Next step, preparing for the little dude to take his steps as he's already squirming and crawling in a way that ensures that he has no intentions of sitting still. Bam! 

Days are flying...

So if you were to even ask me what I did today I'm not sure what my response would be. The past few months have been a whirl wind of absolute awesome, exhausting crazy with the addition of Jack. I have labeled him as the 'high maintenance baby.' The little dude is usually attached to one of our hips and staunchly opposed to nap time in any form. I can say from when his eyes open to the moment they shut (and there was much rejoicing) it's full steam ahead. 

The dude has brought such joy as the new addition to the Patterson family and it's amazing how dependent one little person can be. I am learning about not only little Jack, but myself. The past three months have definitely tried me in ways I couldn't have fathomed, but I am loving so very much being a mom. Even when I drive aimlessly in my car at all hours of the day in hopes of a reprieve of crying or those little puffy eyes fighting off exhaustion. 

As his personality is beginning to develop we're learning that he isn't totally stoked about the ocean (at least not with his first Atlantic experience), the dude loves smoothed blueberries and he is a total snuggle fest during bath time. Even though I'm learning that I probably won't leave the house without some form of drool on my shirt or pants for the next two years or that I really have no control of what lies ahead each 24 hours, it's a journey that I'm overwhelmingly blessed to be on. I'm thankful, grateful and humbled to be on this really epic road called life. 

Baby goodness

I'm learning to take things in stride, sit still longer than seven minutes and find beauty in things that might have turned my stomach (such as super baby puke, poop and puddles of drool). I am in awe of the beauty of life and the simple gifts in sitting with Jack at 3 in the morning, watching his eyes take in the great big world around him and knowing how each day is utterly exhausting and amazing at the same time.

My heart bursts with joy as I watch Keith and Jack snuggle, catch naps or watch late night John Wayne movies. What more could I ask for? I am very thankful and feeling overwhelmingly blessed. Loving that it's only the beginning of a summer filled with sandy feet, snuggles on the couch and time with family that is so very precious. 

Jack Isaac Shane Patterson

4.6.99

If I closed my eyes in seconds I could be transported to a part of my life that I could nearly graze with my fingertips while feeling another life time ago. Sixteen years and 364 days ago there were four wonderful, energetic kids that made life fuller and more beautiful for a whole lot of people. In a split second they were here and then they weren't. All of their breathe, smiles and life were taken away because of one person's decision to get behind the wheel and drive under the influence. Sixteen years later it still hurts, we still miss and we still wish our girls were with us. 

Today I had my last ultrasound before Jack enters the world. As I watched my baby's heart beat on a monitor with my mom by my side I thought how wonderful Shana would have been as an aunt and it's hard to not have your mind wander to where the girls would be today if Melissa Marvin had not been on the road that day.
We can't change the past. I miss my sister more than words can ever express, but I am determined to allow her memory to live on that reaches way beyond pictures and home videos. I believe everyday is another opportunity to allow their memory to live on through our growth, experiences and efforts to pass their memory on.
As tomorrow is just another day, it brings new opportunity to value the ones around you. Let your loved ones know you care about them. Take a moment out of your day to enjoy the sunset. Prioritize what's worth stressing about and what really, in the scheme of life, isn't that important. If you asked all of us sixteen years and 364 days ago how much time we had with our siblings, kids and friends our answers would have, without hesitation, had many years attached to them. No one knows the hour, day or year our last breathe will be taken.
Do not take your life or the ones around you for granted. Make time for a phone call with a distant relative, coffee with a parent, take a long walk without your cell phone taking in the beauty of your surroundings and just simply live. We take the blessings of life for granted. Life is a gift, not a privilege. Investing in things, stressors and the temporary is foolish and so very common. I am so very thankful for the 17 years I had with Shana and hope to never take the days given for granted, but knowing each day is a gift that is precious. 

Thirty-Six Weeks

For the past thirty weeks I have had a human being growing inside of me and it is one of the most amazing experiences ever and he's not even here yet. From the first month it seems there's more focus, by those I've come in contact with,  about the stages beyond pregnancy than the 9.5ish months themselves. I get that, but I also am savoring every moment of this little dude growing inside of me from the wicked morning sickness that endured for the first 3.5 months to presently feeling like I resemble a narwhale when I lie in bed to those moments when I feel his feet or hands kick against my stomach. Honestly, it's all so super awesome. 

I am beyond thankful for this stage in my life and I am looking forward to Jack's arrival, but still taking in these last few weeks as a gift. My feet look like inflatable pillows, my hands have me feeling as arthritic as my 94 year old grandmother and I am officially waddling from point a to point b and it is all a blessing I can never express the magnitude of my thankfulness.
Jack will be entering the world to a heap of love and goodness. Yay!