Jack Isaac Shane Patterson

4.6.99

If I closed my eyes in seconds I could be transported to a part of my life that I could nearly graze with my fingertips while feeling another life time ago. Sixteen years and 364 days ago there were four wonderful, energetic kids that made life fuller and more beautiful for a whole lot of people. In a split second they were here and then they weren't. All of their breathe, smiles and life were taken away because of one person's decision to get behind the wheel and drive under the influence. Sixteen years later it still hurts, we still miss and we still wish our girls were with us. 

Today I had my last ultrasound before Jack enters the world. As I watched my baby's heart beat on a monitor with my mom by my side I thought how wonderful Shana would have been as an aunt and it's hard to not have your mind wander to where the girls would be today if Melissa Marvin had not been on the road that day.
We can't change the past. I miss my sister more than words can ever express, but I am determined to allow her memory to live on that reaches way beyond pictures and home videos. I believe everyday is another opportunity to allow their memory to live on through our growth, experiences and efforts to pass their memory on.
As tomorrow is just another day, it brings new opportunity to value the ones around you. Let your loved ones know you care about them. Take a moment out of your day to enjoy the sunset. Prioritize what's worth stressing about and what really, in the scheme of life, isn't that important. If you asked all of us sixteen years and 364 days ago how much time we had with our siblings, kids and friends our answers would have, without hesitation, had many years attached to them. No one knows the hour, day or year our last breathe will be taken.
Do not take your life or the ones around you for granted. Make time for a phone call with a distant relative, coffee with a parent, take a long walk without your cell phone taking in the beauty of your surroundings and just simply live. We take the blessings of life for granted. Life is a gift, not a privilege. Investing in things, stressors and the temporary is foolish and so very common. I am so very thankful for the 17 years I had with Shana and hope to never take the days given for granted, but knowing each day is a gift that is precious. 

Thirty-Six Weeks

For the past thirty weeks I have had a human being growing inside of me and it is one of the most amazing experiences ever and he's not even here yet. From the first month it seems there's more focus, by those I've come in contact with,  about the stages beyond pregnancy than the 9.5ish months themselves. I get that, but I also am savoring every moment of this little dude growing inside of me from the wicked morning sickness that endured for the first 3.5 months to presently feeling like I resemble a narwhale when I lie in bed to those moments when I feel his feet or hands kick against my stomach. Honestly, it's all so super awesome. 

I am beyond thankful for this stage in my life and I am looking forward to Jack's arrival, but still taking in these last few weeks as a gift. My feet look like inflatable pillows, my hands have me feeling as arthritic as my 94 year old grandmother and I am officially waddling from point a to point b and it is all a blessing I can never express the magnitude of my thankfulness.
Jack will be entering the world to a heap of love and goodness. Yay! 

Snow Days

Under normal circumstances I would not be feeling the love with yet another winter storm accompanied by cold temps, heaps of snow and two more days off of the school calendar. This week was the exception with my Dad and Gabe heading in Thursday night with snow making the ride to Philly a little more interesting than normal, but well worth it. We had 3.5 days of sledding, snowball fights, hot chocolate and movies on the couch. 

Having a few days with my dad away from the farm where there was time to chat, catch up 

and just be was really nice. It was also the first time that he has seen me since November and the baby belly has changed significantly since then. Next time we'll see each other will be when Jack has entered the world. 

Gabe was fascinated by Jack squirming and kicking up a storm as his hand pressed upon my belly. His laughter and beginning to realize his cousin will be here soon is nothing short of awesome. I love hearing him reference Jack with future nerf gun fights, fishing and all the fun things the three of them will be doing.

Temps hit a little above 50 today with snow melting a bit and a little taste of pre-spring hit the air. To think, as winter begins to fade it brings another day closer to Jack's arrival. It has been a beautiful 8+ months so far and although I am truly excited to meet the little dude, the beauty of each day of pregnancy is something I am savoring every moment of. 

Valentine's in a blizzard of goodness

New England was hit for the fourth time in a month with high winds, snow and tundra like temps. It's been a crazy cold season for the east coast and road tripping to New England in the midst of the bread and milk rush in Jersey was the ideal Valentine's trek spending time with Keith and the girls. I figured in order to set the precedent for Jack the little dude will literally have been a couch surfer since he was in the womb. That's how we roll. 

New England is a breathtaking part of the country and taking it in during the winter months blanketed in snow and with a sharp bite in the air makes it all the more remarkable. I'm grateful to have spent the weekend away where we could have had dinner and a movie at home, but instead I spent the day with Keith and Taylor taking a train along the waterways of Ct and then strolling through the streets of Putnam checking out their Fire and Ice Festival. It was one of the best Valentine's Days of all times. The definition of love, family and goodness continues to expand, strengthen and leave me with a sense of overall gratitude that stretches beyond the imagination.

From Ct we hit the road and travelled the roadways leading to RI to visit Jordan. The winds were howling, the snow falling and the beauty of RI's coast is seriously insane. There are perks with blizzard like conditions and it was great trekking in the FJ with no traffic in sight as we crossed over the bridge into Newport with stunning views of the Inlet.

As the weekend is beginning to come to a close I am very grateful for the girls, my husband and God's epic creation. Waking up this morning as the sun rose over the horizon I am in awe of nature, the blessings that surround me and how very beautiful life can be from a million different angles. 

Goodness in the frosty tundra

It's nice to have days that make you smile and add a little zest to things when it's cold, dark and winter yuck. I hate winter. Truth. So watching Jenna, my cousin, receive her diploma from Harris School of Business brought great joy and pride to my heart. Less than two years ago she was staying with her boyfriends family, unemployed and lacking any form of direction. The truth was, she has never really had anyone to direct her.


With that, she moved to Marlton and enrolled in trade school. Fast forward close to a year later and she holds a medical assistant certification, is fully employed and is making some amazing strides towards independence and beginning to really believe in herself and her abilities. That's a pretty rad realization. I am super proud of Jenna and look forward to where the road of life will lead her.

Snowmageddon

There's a tendency for both the media and the general public to over react when it comes to the weather. It's better to be safe than sorry. I'm definitely not complaining about having a day off of work where I'm still in my pajamas at 2:30 in the afternoon and there's no plan of changing outfits anytime soon. Our area of South Jersey was anticipating over a foot of snow and the total accumulation may have pushed three inches. Although it's not ideal having to make up days at the end of the year, there's a beauty with a new snow fall.

My day consisted of Keith and I purging the house of clutter, odds and ends we didn't even know existed and just feeling a little lighter with things on Oswego. I'm exhausted, but it has been a productive day. I'm hoping that my body isn't gearing into nesting mode already, there's still close to three months to go and that gives heaps of time to thin things out and organize.
We're back to work tomorrow, but we survived the organizing, the chill and the snowmageddon...could our survival strategy of bread and milk saved the day? One will never know...