Pineland Peeps

The sun was out, legs were stretched and bagels were plentiful. Today marked the 14th annual Pineland Striders PGM Run. With nearly 400 participants in attendance I was, yet again, in awe of those who have continued to support us over the years.  I realize that there were those present who are unaware of what our cause stems from, but there are so many who have stood by us for so many years. It is my belief that over these years we have accomplished a tremendous amount and we have done some pretty amazing things.

In fourteen years I look at how much good has stemmed from such a tragic event. I believe we have and continue to make a difference. I believe the girls would be very proud. I consider myself blessed to have the four other families in my life. I am a better person for having each of them in my life. We cannot undue the past, but we can choose to alter our outlook and make a conscious decision to live life fully and selflessly. Taking a fourteen year inventory, I would have to say that we are doing pretty well. 

Farm to the lake

Last week I had some time to head on down to the farm and spend sometime with my parents, Jess and the boys. The older I get the quicker time seems to go. My time with them is precious and sometimes I wish freezing time for just a little bit was a viable option. 

Each sunrise and sunset is spectacular with hues of pink and blue. Life on the farm is a constant state of motion, but it also holds such remarkable beauty it's hard to describe. 

Jess allowed me to 'borrow' Tristan for a few days of fun in Jersey before she made her way up to pick up some cabinets from our old Medford house. The little dude brings such joy to my heart. His smile, outlook on life and the love he has for his auntie E makes each day pretty special.



Our days went way too quick, but I'm looking forward to getting a little more bonding time before the year is over. The little dudes are blessings that I am beyond grateful for.

Padre y Mucho Colores

Father's Day has taken on an even richer meaning these past three plus years with Keith in my life. One of the things that lead me to falling in love with him was his love for his children. As we near our three year mark it is that love and his role as both father and husband that I am very grateful for. He's a good dude.
Months ago we planned on doing a second round of Father's Day via the Color Me Rad run in Philly. It ended up where Jordan had to attend a wedding this weekend and Keith was feeling funky and not so rad. So we improvised with Taylor and I both bringing a friend. 

It ended up being an awesome day. My friend, Liz, that I have known forever filled in and it was awesome. We had a chance to catch up and I knew a little color might make her day a little less funky being that she lost her Dad over fifteen years ago. One thing life has taught me, that celebrations and holidays for some are really tough on others. Being sensitive to that is pretty important.
I adore Liz and my heart hurts for her on holidays, Father's Day and the time of year marking yet another year of her Dad's absence. Loss stinks. But having a little color infusion on those gray days makes it not as painful. 

So the four of us ran together and were surrounded by clouds of color. What better way to spend a Sunday? We wrapped up the day with a very fun dinner with Tay, Keith, my mom and I. We relaxed, spent time together and had a little nosh to end the night off right. I am grateful for family, for the color in my life and the opportunities I have to create so many amazing memories.

180

Another 180 school days have passed. I think each year the days and months fly by a little bit faster. As summer is officially in gear I have to think that I am super blessed to have a job that fits me like a glove.

Even in the midst of the craziest of days where my hair has reached maximum volume I am confident that God placed me here and directed my path to 110 Carranza. The past nine years have been a pretty good ride.  

Every year we send another batch of seniors off into the world. Many of which I will never see again. I enjoyed working immensely with this senior class. But this particular crop of Drug Squad kids had a huge impact on my heart and I am so beyond proud of the direction that they are going. To witness these young people taking a stand to be roll models, embrace the mentality of living life fully in a pretty good decision making type of way along with being over all great human beings has been simply amazing. 

With all the crazy we see in the world, it is moments such as these that I cling to. There is beauty in the eyes of these young people eager to begin this next chapter, but hesitant to let go of something that felt second nature to them. It isn't easy to be content with your present while not becoming to entwined in both past and future. It is a balance. 

But as the Drug Squad class of 2013 steps forward there is so much ahead and so much of an impact left by them. That is pretty cool. 

Good luck Class of 2013! Be the goodness! 

No where else I'd rather be on a Sunday night

home is where the heart is now and forever

I've been back in Jersey for close to ten years now. It was not easy returning because, for one, I swore as I headed south for college years prior that there was NO WAY the road would ever lead back to Jersey. Secondly, the thought of returning was tough grappling with the reality that I would have daily encounters with little things connected to my past that made my heart sad. So much reminded me of my sister and what used to be. But after a year or so after I got settled in the triggers weren't as frequent.

About a year ago I was informed that the house I grew up in was going to be torn down to make space for an expansion at the church we attend. I've been able to put off the inevitable until a few days ago when I walked into our old living room with a crow bar and hammer to remove our kitchen cabinets. So much of the house is different, but there's so much that is the same. There's no laughter, no sizzling of pancakes in the kitchen as my mom yells for her girls for breakfast, no pounding of feet up and down the steps...it's silent. I know this isn't our home anymore it is merely a shell. But since I was eight years old the house has always represented my parents and my sisters. It sort of has always been known as the Lawler's house.



My family had a part in building this home with our own hands. As I removed little pieces of what was I was reminded that it was then hands of Paul, Brenda, Erin, Jess and Shana that assembled it twenty eight years ago. From the wood floors in the living room, the toilet paper holder in our old bathroom to the steps leading down to the basement; my family converted an old tomato farm to a home that stood strong and proud for nearly thirty years. That's pretty amazing. 

As the wrecking crew will be doing their work on Monday morning a little bit of my heart will ache. It seems like it is one more thing to let go of. It is one more thing I will miss. As I stood in the living room  moving some stone from our fire place something caught my eye. I leaned over and picked up a glass tear drop, a gem. I have no idea where it came from, but I found myself smiling. This empty log home is only a frame, not the unshakeable structure of the faces, memories and love that resonated for years here. My precious gem reminded me of that....