Holy November

I can't believe it's been over three months since I've written or posted anything. There isn't a whole lot of couch surfing these days, but travel, life and living are a full and colorful as ever. It's fall. The kids are at college and will be home soon for break and Jack is almost seven months old. I made the decision to extend my maternity leave. Being able to wake up with my little dude every morning smiling and ready to cuddle has been an absolute awesome gift that I am so profoundly grateful for.

Being a mom to an infant who is absolutely dependent upon you for everything has proven to provide some of my all time greatest life lessons. It's a pretty awesome thing and I'm in awe of the title 'mom' and how truly rad it is. I've learned to get ready in about 3.2 minutes, manage to have all forms of spit up somehow blend into my clothing and even conquer putting on diapers when little man is twisting and twirling in a million directions. The challenge is on and it's a great one. Next step, preparing for the little dude to take his steps as he's already squirming and crawling in a way that ensures that he has no intentions of sitting still. Bam! 

Days are flying...

So if you were to even ask me what I did today I'm not sure what my response would be. The past few months have been a whirl wind of absolute awesome, exhausting crazy with the addition of Jack. I have labeled him as the 'high maintenance baby.' The little dude is usually attached to one of our hips and staunchly opposed to nap time in any form. I can say from when his eyes open to the moment they shut (and there was much rejoicing) it's full steam ahead. 

The dude has brought such joy as the new addition to the Patterson family and it's amazing how dependent one little person can be. I am learning about not only little Jack, but myself. The past three months have definitely tried me in ways I couldn't have fathomed, but I am loving so very much being a mom. Even when I drive aimlessly in my car at all hours of the day in hopes of a reprieve of crying or those little puffy eyes fighting off exhaustion. 

As his personality is beginning to develop we're learning that he isn't totally stoked about the ocean (at least not with his first Atlantic experience), the dude loves smoothed blueberries and he is a total snuggle fest during bath time. Even though I'm learning that I probably won't leave the house without some form of drool on my shirt or pants for the next two years or that I really have no control of what lies ahead each 24 hours, it's a journey that I'm overwhelmingly blessed to be on. I'm thankful, grateful and humbled to be on this really epic road called life. 

Baby goodness

I'm learning to take things in stride, sit still longer than seven minutes and find beauty in things that might have turned my stomach (such as super baby puke, poop and puddles of drool). I am in awe of the beauty of life and the simple gifts in sitting with Jack at 3 in the morning, watching his eyes take in the great big world around him and knowing how each day is utterly exhausting and amazing at the same time.

My heart bursts with joy as I watch Keith and Jack snuggle, catch naps or watch late night John Wayne movies. What more could I ask for? I am very thankful and feeling overwhelmingly blessed. Loving that it's only the beginning of a summer filled with sandy feet, snuggles on the couch and time with family that is so very precious. 

Jack Isaac Shane Patterson

4.6.99

If I closed my eyes in seconds I could be transported to a part of my life that I could nearly graze with my fingertips while feeling another life time ago. Sixteen years and 364 days ago there were four wonderful, energetic kids that made life fuller and more beautiful for a whole lot of people. In a split second they were here and then they weren't. All of their breathe, smiles and life were taken away because of one person's decision to get behind the wheel and drive under the influence. Sixteen years later it still hurts, we still miss and we still wish our girls were with us. 

Today I had my last ultrasound before Jack enters the world. As I watched my baby's heart beat on a monitor with my mom by my side I thought how wonderful Shana would have been as an aunt and it's hard to not have your mind wander to where the girls would be today if Melissa Marvin had not been on the road that day.
We can't change the past. I miss my sister more than words can ever express, but I am determined to allow her memory to live on that reaches way beyond pictures and home videos. I believe everyday is another opportunity to allow their memory to live on through our growth, experiences and efforts to pass their memory on.
As tomorrow is just another day, it brings new opportunity to value the ones around you. Let your loved ones know you care about them. Take a moment out of your day to enjoy the sunset. Prioritize what's worth stressing about and what really, in the scheme of life, isn't that important. If you asked all of us sixteen years and 364 days ago how much time we had with our siblings, kids and friends our answers would have, without hesitation, had many years attached to them. No one knows the hour, day or year our last breathe will be taken.
Do not take your life or the ones around you for granted. Make time for a phone call with a distant relative, coffee with a parent, take a long walk without your cell phone taking in the beauty of your surroundings and just simply live. We take the blessings of life for granted. Life is a gift, not a privilege. Investing in things, stressors and the temporary is foolish and so very common. I am so very thankful for the 17 years I had with Shana and hope to never take the days given for granted, but knowing each day is a gift that is precious. 

Thirty-Six Weeks

For the past thirty weeks I have had a human being growing inside of me and it is one of the most amazing experiences ever and he's not even here yet. From the first month it seems there's more focus, by those I've come in contact with,  about the stages beyond pregnancy than the 9.5ish months themselves. I get that, but I also am savoring every moment of this little dude growing inside of me from the wicked morning sickness that endured for the first 3.5 months to presently feeling like I resemble a narwhale when I lie in bed to those moments when I feel his feet or hands kick against my stomach. Honestly, it's all so super awesome. 

I am beyond thankful for this stage in my life and I am looking forward to Jack's arrival, but still taking in these last few weeks as a gift. My feet look like inflatable pillows, my hands have me feeling as arthritic as my 94 year old grandmother and I am officially waddling from point a to point b and it is all a blessing I can never express the magnitude of my thankfulness.
Jack will be entering the world to a heap of love and goodness. Yay! 

Snow Days

Under normal circumstances I would not be feeling the love with yet another winter storm accompanied by cold temps, heaps of snow and two more days off of the school calendar. This week was the exception with my Dad and Gabe heading in Thursday night with snow making the ride to Philly a little more interesting than normal, but well worth it. We had 3.5 days of sledding, snowball fights, hot chocolate and movies on the couch. 

Having a few days with my dad away from the farm where there was time to chat, catch up 

and just be was really nice. It was also the first time that he has seen me since November and the baby belly has changed significantly since then. Next time we'll see each other will be when Jack has entered the world. 

Gabe was fascinated by Jack squirming and kicking up a storm as his hand pressed upon my belly. His laughter and beginning to realize his cousin will be here soon is nothing short of awesome. I love hearing him reference Jack with future nerf gun fights, fishing and all the fun things the three of them will be doing.

Temps hit a little above 50 today with snow melting a bit and a little taste of pre-spring hit the air. To think, as winter begins to fade it brings another day closer to Jack's arrival. It has been a beautiful 8+ months so far and although I am truly excited to meet the little dude, the beauty of each day of pregnancy is something I am savoring every moment of. 

Valentine's in a blizzard of goodness

New England was hit for the fourth time in a month with high winds, snow and tundra like temps. It's been a crazy cold season for the east coast and road tripping to New England in the midst of the bread and milk rush in Jersey was the ideal Valentine's trek spending time with Keith and the girls. I figured in order to set the precedent for Jack the little dude will literally have been a couch surfer since he was in the womb. That's how we roll. 

New England is a breathtaking part of the country and taking it in during the winter months blanketed in snow and with a sharp bite in the air makes it all the more remarkable. I'm grateful to have spent the weekend away where we could have had dinner and a movie at home, but instead I spent the day with Keith and Taylor taking a train along the waterways of Ct and then strolling through the streets of Putnam checking out their Fire and Ice Festival. It was one of the best Valentine's Days of all times. The definition of love, family and goodness continues to expand, strengthen and leave me with a sense of overall gratitude that stretches beyond the imagination.

From Ct we hit the road and travelled the roadways leading to RI to visit Jordan. The winds were howling, the snow falling and the beauty of RI's coast is seriously insane. There are perks with blizzard like conditions and it was great trekking in the FJ with no traffic in sight as we crossed over the bridge into Newport with stunning views of the Inlet.

As the weekend is beginning to come to a close I am very grateful for the girls, my husband and God's epic creation. Waking up this morning as the sun rose over the horizon I am in awe of nature, the blessings that surround me and how very beautiful life can be from a million different angles. 

Goodness in the frosty tundra

It's nice to have days that make you smile and add a little zest to things when it's cold, dark and winter yuck. I hate winter. Truth. So watching Jenna, my cousin, receive her diploma from Harris School of Business brought great joy and pride to my heart. Less than two years ago she was staying with her boyfriends family, unemployed and lacking any form of direction. The truth was, she has never really had anyone to direct her.


With that, she moved to Marlton and enrolled in trade school. Fast forward close to a year later and she holds a medical assistant certification, is fully employed and is making some amazing strides towards independence and beginning to really believe in herself and her abilities. That's a pretty rad realization. I am super proud of Jenna and look forward to where the road of life will lead her.

Snowmageddon

There's a tendency for both the media and the general public to over react when it comes to the weather. It's better to be safe than sorry. I'm definitely not complaining about having a day off of work where I'm still in my pajamas at 2:30 in the afternoon and there's no plan of changing outfits anytime soon. Our area of South Jersey was anticipating over a foot of snow and the total accumulation may have pushed three inches. Although it's not ideal having to make up days at the end of the year, there's a beauty with a new snow fall.

My day consisted of Keith and I purging the house of clutter, odds and ends we didn't even know existed and just feeling a little lighter with things on Oswego. I'm exhausted, but it has been a productive day. I'm hoping that my body isn't gearing into nesting mode already, there's still close to three months to go and that gives heaps of time to thin things out and organize.
We're back to work tomorrow, but we survived the organizing, the chill and the snowmageddon...could our survival strategy of bread and milk saved the day? One will never know...

A celebration of Jack

Bowling, pizza and strobe lights were just a few of the perks of having a baby shower at the Fun Plex. It was pretty cool to know that this was the Fun Plex's first shower. It was seriously the greatest way to celebrate Jack and be with friends and family while noshing on pizza, watching the kids bowl and play laser tag as well as breaking the baby shower norms. I'd say we're starting out right with the non-conforming shower:) 

     It was hard not to feel overwhelmed having so many wonderful people gather and know that the little dude will be so greatly loved. Having Keith, the girls, my mom, Jess and the boys together among many other friends and family brought such joy to my heart. 

A very merry Christmas

In the past eleven years I have always been on the road, in some form, over break. This was the first year where the farthest I ventured was over the Ben Franklin for a day trip to Philly. I have to say that being still and having ample time to recharge, be at home and enjoy the simplicities of Christmas was pretty fantastic. 

In the past five years Christmas has taken on a new form with family, comfort and a happiness that was missing for a long period of time. Christmas Eve Service, decorating the tree and Christmas Carols have now become part a tradition that I am grateful for. Things that once were absent have been re-introduced and that's an awesomeness that I look forward to sharing with the newly arriving Patterson in spring of 2015. 

Sol y mi abuela

Getting older can be challenging, but it's something that's hard to grasp unless we are facing it or someone we love is showing signs of the wear and tear of life. This weekend I spent about 52 hours with my grandmother who is 94, still living on her own and is for the first time conveying the daily challenges that can so easily be small tasks we don't give a second thought.
Over the years she has definitely slowed down, but her spirit has never wavered. This weekend my heart ached as she was visibly frustrated with the inability to read the local bus schedule, taking 20 minutes to make a sandwich that once consumed three minutes of her time or having to help her put on her lip stick because her hands are not as steady as they once were.

I love my grandma with all my heart and although she still smiles as we wade in the pool there is a sadness about her that I've not noticed before. I know she yearns for her old family and friends and wishes she could do the little things that brought her joy that are now a part of the past. But I believe until we take our last breath that although our senses may wane, we must fight to surround ourselves with our loved ones and find joy in the little things in life that fill our hearts with happiness.
My hope is that as life throws some changes her way that the outlook will be one of life's gifts instead of life's challenges. I know at 37 that's easier for me to say, but I believe our ability to persevere and our outlook on life is contingent upon those we surround ourselves with and our determination to cling to the beauty in even the most trying of times.
My hope is that her heart will find joy and that the realization that getting older isn't something that is intended to be done on one's own. Family is family in good, bad, happy and the most trying of times. I look forward to the summer when I know that baby Jack will bring a renewed sense of joy and happiness.

The now

There are various seasons throughout our lives and some may feel more overwhelming or peaceful than others. As we creep towards another calendar year and the little one in my belly is developing and Jordan and Taylor are in college I am amazed at God's goodness, blessings and just how crazy and unpredictable life can be. There is not one of us who knows what God's plans are for us, where the road will lead us and who will come our way. But with that uncertainty I am that much more grateful for the certainty in my faith, family and realizing that each day is a gift. 

Last month I was in the doctors office and sat through my third sonogram. I consider myself pretty emotionally stable, but hearing the sound of my baby's heart racing and having the ability to see his little hands flicker and toes wiggle is nothing short of miraculous. I do not know what God holds in store for this little one, but as we take one day at a time all I can do is be thankful, pray for his health and find ways to just enjoy the now.

It's pretty cool to look back and think of the different paths, people and places that I have been and where it has all lead to. I do look forward to what the next few months and years will bring, but for right now I'm enjoying the now and that it's not quite Monday yet ; ) 

Turkey-it-UP

We are in a culture that is constantly pushing the future where there's little pause between clearing the Halloween candy tray and putting up the Christmas Tree. It's a fight to enjoy the present and as I've aged my tolerance for the exploitation tactics for the holidays has diminished. There is so much goodness to be had this time of year.
We had our annual Thanksgiving basket drive at school where over 40 families were provided Thanksgiving dinner from goods gathered from both students and our community. What better way to embrace Thanksgiving than working with others to impact people, of all ages, in our own backyards? Frozen turkeys, boxes of stuffing and bags of potatoes filled each bag making it a seriously awesome kick off to the holiday season.

This year we stayed home for Thanksgiving and it was amazing. After a pretty intense and fast paced week being able to be home with the girls and just enjoy being together while plenty of time to relax was one of the greatest possible gifts of all time. No driving, no tolls, no road rage and it was awesome. I am thankful for family and the freedoms in our great country that can so easily be taken for granted. Loving the now and the beauty of a very full present.

Another Retreat in the books

Ten years ago the first Drug Squad Retreat was held at Camp Ockanickon. At the time I had a bunch of ideas, visions and goals without grasping what the program would eventually blossom into. I am in awe of the students that have gone through this program, the risks they have been willing to take and the growth that has occured on both an individual and group level. I'm honored to say that I have witnessed lives and hearts change in some dynamic ways. 

Witnessing kids taking a step in trusting their peers, allowing their personal challenges to be funneled to help others and to assume the title of a role model within their school is nothing short of  amazing. After three and a half intense days I am left exhausted, inspired and humbled.

For the past seven years the retreat has been held on my parent's farm. The intention was to provide an informal, personal experience detached from the world back home. We're away from cell phones, face book and the obligations of home. The really cool aspect of this is having experienced all of this goodness with my parents, sister and my nephews. Tristan and Gabe have not only met some amazing kids, but this is now something they have pretty much had in their lives since birth. I love that.

I'm not at the point of wrapping my head around what next year holds, but instead I will just soak in what the last four days have held. I feel profoundly blessed to be a part of something that is nothing short of epic. Drug Squad Retreat 2014...bam!

Farm Foliage

It's insane to think it's already November. Leaves are falling, temperatures are dropping and it definitely feels like we're on the cusp of winter. Having a weekend to spend on the farm was awesome even though my energy level isn't nearly what I'm accustomed to. It was weird spending more time sitting on the porch, napping and taking short strolls around the farm instead of the normal mach speed. 

Having opportunities to sit, be still and enjoy time with my parents, Jess and the boys brings joy to my heart. I value the moments we have and watching the little dudes tend to the calves, ride on the quad and roast marshmallows makes my heart happy.
I am grateful to have time with my parents sipping hot tea on the porch and to catch up with my sister. Life seems to short to let little moments slip through our finger tips. So every visit brings more memories and deeper bonds that make life all the richer.