Saturday I headed up to Bayonne to spend some time with family. Sometimes there is no way to connect what is going on in your heart with words. As I climbed the three flights of stairs that lead to my aunt and cousin's apartment my heart was heavy with an overwhelming sense of sadness for them. For quite some time there has been a heap of issues, too many to get into via blog. I actually stopped on the second floor looking out the window and into the courtyard mired in ruble. The adjacent side of the building, in full view, facing me with its cracked window panes and faded brick exterior. How could our worlds be so drastically different? I'm not sure if I had a magic wand it could do the trick.
It has been probably six months since I have ventured up to exit 14a. Maybe that's intentional on my part. There are so many emotions involved when I visit. With my aunt and cousin I feel like I could never do enough to alleviate their problems and at the same time it beats the heck out of my emotionally. I feel like a hampster stuck in a wheel that will never cease spinning.
I walk down Broadway and along Kennedy Blvd. I have visions of my parents sitting on a bench or walking hand in hand around here as teenagers. Strolling by the swing set in Hudson County Park I can picture my grandfather pushing me on the swings with my sisters on either side of me. If I close my eyes I can almost remember his voice and their laughter. Man, that was a long time ago.
Sometimes memories can be joyous and other times they can be intense. This weekend was a tough one, yet I am thankful for the memories I carry with me and the people and places that have forged me into who I am today.
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