The After Christmas-Christmas

On Monday I headed down at around 3 am for an after Christmas-Christmas visit to the farm. Tristan and I have had a tradition of chopping down a tree and decorating it for the past three or four years now and this year wasn't any different. Jess, the boys and I took a trek along the property and were on a mission to find the perfect tree. After a little comparing and contrasting the small, large and in between we came to an agreement.

To avoid the wrath of pine needles we opted to decorate and go all out with an outside set up. Lights, tied on sparkly wrapping paper and a few other improv decorations that pretty much made it the best tree in the area. I think if the proper individuals were around we might have won an award. I have to say I'm pretty proud of our efforts.

Tristan, Gabe and I assembled the coolest space ship IN THE WORLD. Not only was it pretty legit, but we found some glow in the dark paint that made it oh so very spacy. Lots of duct tape, paint brushes and paint for the coolest space ship I have ever seen.

The week always seems to fly by, but it was a wonderful few days with the the parentes, the boys and Jess. I value the time I am able to spend with them and feel blessed to have such richness in my life. From a improv Christmas tree, a cardboard space ship and roasting marshmallows in the fireplace and by the pit - it is simple things like these that bring a smile to my face and realize how very precious the little things in life are. 

Wishing you all a wonderful and blessed 2012!

Feliz Navidad

Somehow Christmas Eve and Christmas managed to avoid feeling as both were in warp power speed. Christmas morning we started with coffee, stockings and moved onto unwrapping presents and just enjoyed being together.
I headed out for the farm a little before one and about fifteen minutes up the road I opted for a bit of a u-turn and returned to Camp Oswego to have a full day of Christmas with the fam. There are many times I wish I could have the parents and Jess situated about three hours north...it would make life easier and the fact of missing them wouldn't be so acute. But, all is good and we sort of had a post-Christmas - Christmas.

The kids and Keith get a few days without the 'E' as I am maintating a farm fresh mindset for the next day or so. I will return north of the Mason Dixon bearing straight out of the chicken eggs, Amish noodles and jams that keep this 'E' maintaining a 365 farm fresh mentality. 

It is Christmas Eve and nearing Christmas day in less than an hour. I am still awake and that in itself is a miracle. After a day of being with family, attending Christmas Eve service and eating way too much it is now a small window of down time before Christmas officially arrives. By window of time I mean more like seven hours, but I'll take down time in any form available.
I think one of my favorite part of Christmas time is Christmas Eve service standing in silence for about an hour, holding a candle and alloting time to reflect, give thanks and rejoice in the true meaning of the season...Christ's Birth. So often we loose sight of what it is all about. I realize there is Hanukkah and to that I say, Happy Hanukkah. We're moving onto night number six and the menorah is shining bright in our front window. We're a little half and half in Lawler-Patterson land : )

It is a beautiful time of the year. I love the smells, chill in the air and the stillness that seems to fill the air shortly before the unwrapping and hustling for presents begins. After our family dessert this evening I walked back to our house. It was less than a ten minute walk, but there's something pretty wonderful about total silence, stars above and a crispness in the air that chills your lungs. I am grateful for the creation around me, my family and the beauty in places that are sometimes easily overlooked.

Off to bed before Santa or Hanukkah Heloise show up....time's ticking!


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Our day in New York City was wonderful. There is something pretty great about being in the city right before Christmas with store fronts elaborately decorated, lights streaming along each building and the overall 'Christmas buzz' fills the streets.
We soaked in a bit of culture with the Nutcracker which I managed to maintain consciousness (not a small feat for a jittery, a.d.d ridden drug counselor) throughout the entire 2nd half : ) It was pretty amazing watching the dancers and the decour. Absolutely beautiful. 

What better way to follow up the Nutcracker with a hot cup of coffee and browsing a local street market? Spices, teas, ornaments and fun hats....that is truly the definition of fun! 

It was a great day with clear skies, a little chill in the air and a totally great prep for Christmas...

                                                   

The week before Christmas typically falls under the umbrella of crazy train status.  It always feels like the pressure is on in all aspects of life and it can be beyond challenging to keep things in balance and remember, after all, it is about the birth of Christ and not a whirl wind of presents, to do lists and the rising of blood pressure. 

The last day of work before break has become the moment of, as Barry Manilow so aptly sang, 'looks like we made it...' status. From getting all decked out in our ugly Christmas sweaters, to having a full fledge breakfast buffet with the girls and rolling with our 'Project Seneca Elf,' it is truly the final lap in the race to break. Yay!
Thursday and Friday we spent handing out over 80 bags, cookie trays and baskets for students. Coordinating and assembling such a large scale project is overwhelming, but I would not change a thing about it. I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to look each kid in the eye and send the message of 'we care...'
I frequently use the cliche, "don't judge a book by its' cover." Each of us have our own chapters in life and no one really knows what goes on beyond the cover and Intro. With the economy and present state of economy for many, times are tough. My feeling is there is no better way to truly celebrate Christmas than assuming the eyes of Christ. May I not judge. May I look into the eyes of those I cross paths with and see the inner and not the outershell. May I extend my hand to assist with no intention of receiving anything in return.
There is tremendous joy this season, but also a whole lot of pain and sadness. My hope is that we alleviated even just a fraction of that for a few moments in some lives reinforcing the defintion of family, love and Christmas.
God Bless! Merry Christmas!

Anytime I am in the presence of my girlfriends life seems a little better. I feel profoundly blessed to have such amazing women in my life that make me laugh, smile and unwind in a way that is healthy for the soul. Being in the midst of a whole bunch of people who love kids, dig what they do and want to make a difference is sort of like an early Christmas present for me. Laughter is good for the heart.

Saturday I headed up to Bayonne to spend some time with family. Sometimes there is no way to connect what is going on in your heart with words. As I climbed the three flights of stairs that lead to my aunt and cousin's apartment my heart was heavy with an overwhelming sense of sadness for them. For quite some time there has been a heap of issues, too many to get into via blog. I actually stopped on the second floor looking out the window and into the courtyard mired in ruble. The adjacent side of the building, in full view, facing me with its cracked window panes and faded brick exterior. How could our worlds be so drastically different? I'm not sure if I had a magic wand it could do the trick.

It has been probably six months since I have ventured up to exit 14a. Maybe that's intentional on my part. There are so many emotions involved when I visit. With my aunt and cousin I feel like I could never do enough to alleviate their problems and at the same time it beats the heck out of my emotionally. I feel like a hampster stuck in a wheel that will never cease spinning.
I walk down Broadway and along Kennedy Blvd. I have visions of my parents sitting on a bench or walking hand in hand around here as teenagers. Strolling by the swing set in Hudson County Park I can picture my grandfather pushing me on the swings with my sisters on either side of me. If I close my eyes I can almost remember his voice and their laughter. Man, that was a long time ago.
Sometimes memories can be joyous and other times they can be intense. This weekend was a tough one, yet I am thankful for the memories I carry with me and the people and places that have forged me into who I am today.

December feels like it is running full steam ahead. I have officially placed my flip flops in temporary hibernation. There's talk Tuesday will bring temps to the high sixties which has possibility of being a flip flop friendly zone.
With a mere three weeks until Christmas the kids assisted in wrapping gifts for friends and family, but also for a few kids that we 'adopted' for our Project Elf at Seneca. This year we will tackle a total of sixty five gift bags and baskets for kids who might be facing some financial struggles, are dealing with a whole heap of 'stuff' or may have lost someone they loved over the course of the year. There is a whole lot of pain and struggles out there, but my heart is filled to the brim at the thought of how many kids will get a very clear message of care, hope and family through each gift passed from one hand to another.


Even with all of the craziness there is a whole lot of goodness rolling around the Christmas Season. Keith & I embarked upon the very distant Dicken's Festival in Medford (a whopping 2.8 miles away:) and enjoyed an evening of listening to carolers singing, sipping hot chocolate and examining a pretty impressive reindeer ice sculpture. I think I would be able to kick out a fairly impressive menorah if they would have entrusted me with the chain saw. For some reason, I don't see that happening anytime soon.....a girl can hope, can't she? 

Thinking of more than just turkey

This was the first time in my life that I wasn't with my parents and Jess for Thanksgiving. It was strange, but with each new chapter in life you adjust. Keith, the girls & I spent Thanksgiving up the road at their grandmother's house.
Earlier in the week we managed, yet again, another successful Thanksgiving Turkey Basket Outreach. I am always in awe at the generosity of my fellow workers as we pulled together 32 baskets and a number of extra turkeys that are in 'hiding' in various freezers for Christmas. Thanksgiving has extended beyond turkey and cranberry sauce. What I have come to look forward to is the giving aspect.


To look into the eyes of someone this is struggling (it very easily could be one of us) and know that we have passed on not merely a basket of food, but a message of hope, faith and giving. This journey is not about us, but the message and impact that we leave behind. The few days of assembly were a tad crazy train, but I have come to learn that it all comes together in one way or another.

                  
The night before (of course, did you think I was just going to chill?) I played in the annual Seneca vs Cherokee staff football game. Besides the fact that it was a comfortable 43 degrees, pelting rain and constant winds swooping along the field it was a great game. By the end of the night my entire body was soaked to the bone and I couldn't feel my toes, but it was still a heap of fun. Yay, for good times at Seneca!

After an insane 3.5 days of the week I managed to kick it up a notch of insanity squared. The girls and I headed out a little after nine at night to partake in the pandemonium of Black Friday. Lots of rushing, waiting in lines and aiming for that super good deal that you didn't even know you were looking for. I haven't ventured out in the crazy since high school, but it was definitely an experience. I spent most of my time walking outside stores and searching for a cup of coffee as the kids embraced the BF madness.

I will never retreat...

This weekend marked the sixth annual Drug Squad Retreat. Every year I have anxiety attempting to top the previous year's retreat. Part of me wonders how everything could fall into place as perfectly as it did a year prior. The funny thing is every year brings a new batch of kids, different experiences and an opportunity for some really great things to take place. Six years in and I feel beyond honored to have the opportunity to work, teach and learn from some pretty spectacular kids. 

 

It's amazing what happens when we are removed from our every day obligations and the constant stimuli of the internet, texting and instant messaging. Step away from the crazy and step into the zen. Thirty one kids hopping on a bus from Jersey and spending 3 1/2 days on a farm removed from all reminders of their normal environment create the perfect platform for evoking change.

I spent a good amount of time conveying the importance of accepting people for who they are and attempting to put aside the impulse to judge and make preconceived notions based on surface. How often we are guilty of judging swiftly based upon external factors that are typically determined in a fairly short amount of time. We become judge and jury. 

It's interesting how little we really know about those we surround ourselves with. How common it is for us to talk and how rare it is when one actually takes the time to listen. Pause. Silence. So much can come from accepting the fact that we do not know everything and we can learn from others, even if they're teenagers : ) It turns out that I have learned some of my greatest lessons in my own life working with teens. 

I feel profoundly blessed to work with so many young people who have a desire to make an impact in their daily lives. Kids refusing to settle for just getting by in high school, but instead digging deep and having a vision for others. Out with the selfish and in with the goodness. 

Going beyond ourselves requires taking the time to figure out how we work and what makes us tick. In order to be there for others we have to take time to take care of ourselves. How often we burn the candle at both ends or take on more than we can physically handle (I am guilty of this more often than I like to admit)? In order to be capable of being effective in the lives of others, on a long term basis, we have to place a little more emphasis on 'I' then we are accustomed to. Taking time to clear out the mind and recharge the heart is critical. 

A whole lot of effort, time and emotion went into the weekend. After fifteen hours on a big yellow bus, a heap of time planning, chatting and processing and I can confidently say that it was all so very worth it.  I have come to view the weekend as sacred, as a gift that I consider invaluable. My hope is that this annual tradition will stretch beyond a few days and will carry on into the hearts of these young people throughout the course of their lives. It is, after all, not meant to be contained among the thirty one, but for each of them to pass the baton and inspire their own challenges upon those they encounter for years to come. 

May we all just keep on keeping' on.....

Conventional Goodness

I'm sitting on the couch with only twelve hours until a new week begins. It was, yet again, another successful teachers convention (and there was much rejoicing). I headed down to the farm Wednesday with my car filled to the brim with plates, cutlery, marshmallows and cases of juice gearing up for the retreat. It was a good excuse to have a lighter load for the retreat as well as having time with the family. 

Early Wednesday morning I was checking in with kids on my case load and by night fall I was on top of a hill in the middle of a field milking cows with my Dad & Tristan. It's funny what a few hours can do. As the boys were tending to Betsy I sat on the front step of the barn soaking in the silence, breathing in the evening air and enjoying the beauty of my surroundings. A charcoal black sky sprinkled with stars and a sense of total peace came over me. Tristan's laughter, my father's voice in the background and a spectacular view of God's creation brought a surge of joy to my heart. Goodness...you have to love it. 

So as the night falls and I am back home sitting on the couch with Taylor and Keith taking a little down time to recharge before another week begins. 

It's not always possible to soak in the little moments in life, but when you can it's pretty special. 

Mall Madness

It might be an indication of my age, but a venture to the mall ranks somewhere up there with a trip to the dentist. This afternoon I headed to Cherry Hill with Taylor and her friend for a few hour shopping escapade that landed me smack dab in the middle of mall madness. People were dodging oncoming cars, drivers were weaving in and out of the course of traffic to nab their perfect spot and the level of anxiety could have been cut with a spork (and not even a rusty one).

I had intentions of heading inside and stopping in a few shops, but my thought process was swiftly altered as soon as we pulled into the parking lot. We planned to rendezvous in two hours at the same spot. The kids had fun and were able to find some great things. Seeing the kids smile, being happy and together makes me happy & brings with it a whole lot of joy. I get the fact that the mall, to a teenager, is on the same level as a great day of surf in LBI. Everyone needs their own means of stoke and that comes in many forms.

Driving around I found myself trying to reason as to why there were thousands of cars in the parking lot with people scurrying in every direction. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with shopping or embracing the mall, but it is a pretty interesting thought. Over the years I think a lot of what makes up 'me' has changed a bit. I find myself more comfortable in smaller settings. I prefer strumming my guitar next to the fire pit in the backyard over a Broadway show or fancy restaurant. Watching tv and hearing about the last lavish wedding or event I find myself perturbed at how far that money could have really gone to help pay a mortgage or give a school full of kids a whole year+ of meals. In crowds my mind drifts to who among them is struggling with an addiction, is foreclosing on their home or is being neglected. I realize the past eight years of sitting in a room hearing a whole lot from countless kids has altered everything about me. Sometimes that's a good thing and other times it isn't so good. I have found myself wishing that my head wasn't so heavy and that I could be less anxious. But, I guess if we were all alike the world wouldn't be so interesting now, would it?

Fall Festive-ness

 I'm beginning to believe there is truth behind my Grandma Gert's ongoing reminder that time is fleeting and only kicks up speed as you grow older. Jess and the crew came up for a weekend visit combining Birthday, Halloween and Autumn Festivities. It went quickly.

 Even though I have been in Jersey for the past eight years there are those moments when it's strange being here doing some of the same things I once did some twenty plus years ago. There's a renewed joy experiencing it all through the eyes of little ones. From the Halloween Parade watching Tristan (and yes, I will admit I was an accomplice) lunge for candy, examining the patch for the perfect pumpkin to nibbling on freshly baked cider donuts it is all a whole new experience when the little dudes are involved. I felt officially old rehashing memories of the days of Jess, their E and Shana. Lots of history in the 08055 for this 34 year old. Plenty of great, rich memories that quite often leave me speechless at the thought of how full my life has been.

It was also wonderful having some great catch up time with Jess and Carrie. We headed to Belmar and it was a blast having some down time with Carrie's kids, Tristan, Gabe, Jess & my Dad. No matter how much time lapses between seeing Carrie & Jess, as soon as we're together it's like we never parted ways. There's something pretty awesome about friendships where time stands still and the love, history and dependability is always there. Gotta love my girls : )

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The past few weekends have been nothing short of perfect. Saturday I headed out to LBI and felt like a little kid again jumping out of my car and doing a light jog to catch a glimpse of what the Atlantic had in store for the day. The surf was small, but the sun was out and the water was holding at 65 degrees. 

I have a saying that I don't go a day without saying at work, "you have to find your high in life or it will find you." In the midst of the craziness of life we so often get lost in keeping busy to just keep busy. In the mode of crazy train it is easy to lose sense of who you are and the little things in life that bring you joy. As I approach numero '34' later this week my hope is that I will still manage to maintain a sense of stoke throughout each season of life. 

There are moments that I become fearful of complacency or of not savoring the many simple joys of life that can, if one is not careful, go unnoticed. Buoying on my board with birds soaring only a few feet overhead and the spray of salt water on my face it was a moment of simple joy that definitely did not go unnoticed. 

Today's method of zen = mid.afternoon hammock session.

It was yet again the perfect fall weekend. There was not much in the way of surf with the wind making the Atlantic a little too choppy for decent conditions, but you can't have ideal surf all the time. Saturday marked the annual Cranberry Festival in Chatsworth where it is the one weekend of the year with more people than cranberries buzzing around town searching for crafts, amazing baked goods packed with cranberries and the ultimate feel of fall. I fully endorse the next six weekends being carbon copies of this weekend....sending vibes. 

Earlier this week I attended a meeting at the Medford's Women's Association. I consider myself pretty ambitious and a visionary, but there are times I find myself frustrated or disheartened. Sitting in a room with about fifty other women, most over the age of fifty, who all shared a dynamic vision to serve and make a difference was empowering. Many of these women have been plugging away longer than I've been alive charging ahead with a passion to leave an impact upon those around them. In a day and age when most seem more concerned about status and salary it was invigorating to find a commonality among these women that is rare in today's world. 

Looking around the room that evening gave me hope that there is no time line for serving. There is no window of when and how we are limited to being useful. I believe as a woman, there is great responsibility in leading by example and that there is no excuse to live silently or apathetically. My hope is that I will possess the same vision I have today at age sixty and that my efforts will, even in the smallest way, touch a few hearts along the way. Life is way too short to live for self...strive to make a difference every day, because in reality each day is a gift. 

Feeling a tad autum-nal

Sometimes life can get overwhelming and the sense of 'crazy train' can make us lose sight of what really matters. There are some things not worth getting upset about. Choosing to not blow a fuse when someone cuts you off, taking a step back when that person who knows how to push your buttons is going at you and intentionally taking a few deep breathes when it feels like nothing is flowing in your direction. 

There are days when my head spins and my heart is heavy. I'm not sure if that's something that will ever change with me. But it has been a blessing to have someone in my life that feels the vibe and conveys a sense of love and kindness that, in a split second, makes all the 'crazy' pretty loco free. I'm not a high maintenance kind of gal, shocking as that may seem:), but I have to say heading off to work finding a rose and daisy on the dash was the perfect start to my day. The dude brought a smile to my face....love my husband:)

This weekend was the Apple Festival at Kirby's Mill in Medford. It's definitely one of the signs that fall is in full swing with the changing of leaves, smell of apple cider donuts and locals gathering in packs to peruse craft tents and enjoy some great food. 

It was an enjoyable day, but what was my highlight was getting a hug and smile from an old friend. Cole Roberts is the official 'ice cream man' at the festival each year. Cole is probably in his mid-80s and as down to earth as they come. The guy is a staple of Medford's history, even though few would realize that these days. The Roberts family has been connected with Kirby's Mills for years along with running Jersey Jerry's Apple Stand on Church Road. Cole was a good friend of Bill Johnson, founder of Johnson's Corner, who recently passed. 

In a day in age where we are driven by time, technology and status I have tremendous respect for the generation that seems to have a firmer grasp than my own generation on the importance of slowing down, working the land and the prioritizing of community and family. I have great respect for Cole, who represents a sense of morals, values and integrity that you don't see too often these days. In a lot of ways he reminds me of my own father who I have watched my whole life work hard, stand firm in his beliefs and possesses a love for God, family and country that has set him apart from most. 

In the five minute conversation with Cole a million memories flooded my mind. In a second I flash back to being fifteen listening to the Beatles and cutting, leathering and cleaning slate with my sisters. I can see the apples hanging heavy in the orchard a few yards off in the distance and hear Cole's tractor sputtering towards the fields. Now, 18 years later all I can do is smile and give the old man next to the ice cream churner a big hug in appreciation of some pretty great memories. 

Surf'n Fall

This weekend was pretty much what life is cracked up to be...living life in the slow lane, enjoying the moment and just savoring the blessings you have. Sunday I treked to the shore greeted with 68 degree water temps, super clean swell and an overall sense of stillness that left me basking in the warmth of the day. 

It was the kind of day that you dream of and if your lucky you might come across one or two in your lifetime. I rolled into LBI a little after seven and paddled out to the line up where I was greeted by two other women. Yay, women surfers! The sandbar made for perfectly clean, consistent waist to chest high swells for about four hours. I found myself wondering if there would be an ocean in heaven. It is moments such as these that I feel so very close to God, His Creation and a sense of peace that brings an overwhelming stillness to my heart. God is good. I dig His ocean and am thankful for days such as these that just re-affirm the beauty of life and the moments that truly leave you speechless. 

Dragon Boat Festival of an Oar-some Nature